A Journey Beyond Weight Loss
It’s been one year! One year since I looked in the mirror and said, “Enough is enough.” I grabbed my gym clothes, stuffed them into a backpack, and walked to work. I was committed to taking my health into my own hands. No excuses; just put in the work and get results. I had the ideal setup. The first floor of my workplace was an Olympic-funded gym. Awesome! Let’s do this! Easy, right? Yeah, I wish my leap into action had been that simple. But nah, the road to action actually looked more like this:
I lost the firm grip on my so-called excuses: lack of time, lack of money, and lack of access. What was I going to tell myself now? I stood there facing my new reality, I possessed the time and access to take care of my health. My valid excuses crumbled. This is where I met myself: using my tired excuses as I walked past the gym for three months, asking myself repeatedly: What do you want? Do you really want to get better? What are you willing to work for?
I was the heaviest I’d ever been. 171lbs (77.4kg), a BMI near 30, body fat 38.3%, and a resting heart rate of 86bpm (all unhealthy numbers). I was tired all the time, I had long stopped looking in the mirror at my body because I was unhappy with what I saw, and despite my healthy eating habits in the past, I began eating junk food almost every day because it was the only familiar thing I could find in my new home of China.
Was being healthy and fit some lofty distant ideal for me?
Truthfully…if I could not get my shit together now, then I simply didn’t want to. If I chose not to rise up to the gift of space and time, then I never would; especially if life threw any other challenges my way. So, I had to own it. Step up and work for the “healthier and fit” Me. Or… stay the same Me with all my same excuses. I had the power and freedom to make my own choice.
On May 9, 2019, I chose to give myself a better life and took massive action.
I conversed with various colleagues and learned about intermittent fasting. I was intrigued by its benefits of weight loss, insulin reduction, and anti-aging (autophagy) through this discipline. I started with the 16/8 method and wove in the 18/6 method every two weeks. I coupled that with daily exercise and rested on Sundays. The first four months, I was hardcore; I never missed a workout and made good on my meal window. During these early months, I saw changes both on the scale and in my measurements. My resting heart rate dropped down to 75bpm. As the fifth month creeped in, my work travels increased, and I started to plateau. As I began to review my daily effort to figure out what changes to make, I realized that although I was losing weight, I was not getting stronger or improving in my performance. I still felt…weak.
My work as a Sports Physical Therapist allows me to be around elite Olympic-level athletes daily. Around the time of my plateau, I started to pay close attention to what my top-tier athletes were doing. They had two types of daily training: technical training (technique-focused, cardiovascular work) and physical training (strength, weightlifting work). I noticed the top-ranked players worked just as hard at strength training as they did at their technical skills. That was it. I needed better strength training!
I knew I was limited in my own knowledge about this wide-scope topic, so I reached out to my surroundings. Within a week of seeking help, I had found the Olympic-level strength coach who would elevate my training to the next level: Frank Cosenza. He took the focus off cardio and placed it on lifting weights and proper form. We started out with the basics: fundamental movements and mobility. He calls it the “Fab5”. As my understanding and body awareness improved so did my strength gains. My focus and intent to lift began to change, but as the weights got heavier, I was met with a block, a serious mental block called negative self-talk and poor self-belief.
Not many people talk about this part. I heard about it in sports and sports psychology. A champion’s belief to strive for the gold and mentally conquering the game, but I had not heard it discussed in weight loss and everyday fitness. I was in for a rude awakening. My daily self-talk and self-belief showed up in the gym. Whether I wanted to recognize it or not, my negative thoughts had permeated into every area of my life.
I remember one particular conversation when my coach asked me ,“Dionne, what’s the deal with this self-doubt? Where is this coming from?” It was a great question. He had prepared me to lift heavier, and yet here I was doubting my own ability (because I certainly wasn’t doubting his). It was my own mental block. My own stinkin’ thinking. Who would have known that lifting heavy weights would be the catalyst to force me to stop running from myself and face my own beliefs about me? I had to confront, deal with, and heal from past inner wounds outside of the gym to move to the next level in the gym. It was me who was holding me back, both in the gym and in my own life. What a gigantic life lesson.
In any area of life, our self-belief will either carry us forward or hold us back. Most of it is fear-based. Fear of failure. Fear of the unknown. Fear of not being enough. Or fear of letting go of past traumas or stories because we don’t know who we are without them. But our better selves are on the other side of our pain. The stories we tell ourselves that keep us back only hurt us more and weigh us down. We can take the lessons and grow from the stories, but we have to take responsibility for ourselves in order to walk forward into becoming the better version of ourselves.
To date, this journey has become less about weight loss for me and more about a journey of metamorphosis. Transforming myself into a much healthier woman: mind, body, and spirit.
What I recognize as I write these words is that I’ve changed. I have smashed what I thought was attainable, and now I’m gravitating to a new vision of myself. What was once a mirage is now in clearer focus. Not just in my physical appearance but in what I want out of my life. And I know that I am capable of attaining it with effort, action, drive, and a connection to myself.